Undateable Volume 1: Straight Liners

An ideal day is waist deep, champagne powder, endless refills and good friends.  Another ideal day is a few untracked groomer runs followed by drinking champagne and eating endless amounts of gravy smothered turkey with good friends.

Thanksgiving was awesome.  There was delicious food, good wine, and great company.  However, Thanksgiving was also crazy on the mountain.  7,000 people on 5 lifts and 15 trails is a little tight.  All of us skiers and boarders are forced together onto a few runs, and at any given point the cross section of the population on the snow is pretty diverse.

However, there are a few people that really stand out to me during these holiday periods when the hill is jam packed with skiers and riders, and I would like to highlight some of them in a new feature by The Singles’ Line that I’m going to call Undateable.

Let’s begin, shall we?

Undateable Volume 1: Straight Liners

You know who I’m talking about.  We have all seen that little speck that crests over the horizon, traveling in a direct line down the hill at mach 10 and B lining towards an unsuspecting person, that somehow always seems to be a small child or an elderly skier. 

If you need a visual, check out this guy.  Or this person.

A straight liner is usually out of control.  They have trouble stopping.  They will hurt you.  They are undateable.

Don’t get me wrong, I myself go for the occasional straight line.  The difference is, I am in control and it’s appropriate for the situation.  With that being said, here is a list of circumstances when one might be straight lining and what can be considered dateble or undateable.

Straight lining...
·      tight couloirs: Dateable
·      into a 4 year old: Undateable
·      to get across a large puddle or to win a pond skim:  Dateable
·      into a packed lift line and producing results similar to bowling a strike: Undateable
·      to get enough speed for a jump/cliff/drop: Dateable
·      because you’re skiing drunk and can’t turn and don’t care: Undateable
·      to try to break a world record for speed: Dateable
·      through a really choppy area where if you turned you might also have a ski explosion: Still Dateable
·      at the finish of a world cup downhill: Dateable (Axel, I’m talking to you.)

 I don’t really want to date you if you lack direction and control.  I don’t want to date you if you are headed full speed into a disastrous crash, and may take me down with you.

Just throwin’ that out there.

-KM